


things i said when you [REDACTED]

by elyxi



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Angst, Fear, M/M, Sad Fluff, Wrote this at 2am, genuinely didnt mean for it to get this horrible, if thats a thing, whooP
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-25
Updated: 2020-02-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:14:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22890823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elyxi/pseuds/elyxi
Summary: Crowley didn't have the words for this. No one in the right mind would. Heknewwhat was happening, he himself had been through this, and yet he could only stand there as – Satan forbidanyonehear this – quite literally, the light of his life died out like this.
Relationships: Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Kudos: 8





	things i said when you [REDACTED]

Crowley paused, then looked at Aziraphale. "Sorry, what did you say?"

The somewhat-fallen angel shrugged and stared at Crowley blankly, but the demon could feel the simmering anger radiating off him, and the more they looked at one another the more terrifying it got. Aziraphale crossed one leg over the other and folded his hands into his lap. 

"I'm starting to think you're not very happy with me, angel." Crowley said with a rather forced grin, desperately trying and failing to lighten the mood. 

Silence once more. Crowley shuddered lightly at the chill that ran through him.

"I said, 'I shouldn't have listened to you.'" Aziraphale finally said, louder. "Frankly, I don't know why I did. We've run into nothing but trouble ever since the Swap and with both Heaven and Hell on our tails I don't know how we can keep running like this. I'm turning myself in, and I hope you're not too _cowardly_ to do the same." Aziraphale's blank stare turned to a glare much too fast for Crowley's liking and the demon shifted in his seat uncomfortably. 

"I'm not a coward, despite what some entities think of me. I'm very much as brave as I once was in the Great War. It would've taken an angel with _actual_ guts to go up against the big 'G like that, you know." Crowley managed to blurt out stupidly after a few more moments of silence, then found himself unable to look at Aziraphale in the eye right after that. 

The angel rolled his eyes, " _–as if you'd know what being an angel's like anymore..._ " 

"Excuse me? Mind speaking up, angel? Can't hear what you're mumbling over there all brooding-like and scarily– Okay! I will now keep my mouth shut and not say anything else!" Crowley jumped up onto his seat when Aziraphale looked up at him with eyes glowing red. 

"I'd prefer it, _demon_ , if you listened a little more instead of yapping on like that," Aziraphale smiled, showing rather terrifyingly sharp teeth as well, "it does hurt my ears so."

"Oh, my word, angel, what has _happened_ to you?" Crowley squeaked, getting up from his chair. He'd seen the angel's true form only once before but the red eyes and sharp teeth weren't part of it, he was sure of it. 

"Oh, I didn't say?" All of Aziraphale's thirteen eyes blinked at Crowley owlishly. His voice had suddenly dropped several octaves and began distorting itself, as if it wasn't even him talking anymore, " _We got him_ , Crowley. If you had been there when he called for you that last time you could've stopped it. But you didn't. I wonder why..." 

And at once, like something out of a horror movie, Aziraphale froze up and the many eyes began to bleed thick rivulets of black liquid, streaming down the angel's face and landing on the concrete ground with unsettling splats and _immediately_ Crowley knew the both of them were fucked as the sound of his ragged breathing took the foreground while his mind scrambled to process what had happened to the entity he once called his angel. 

Aziraphale still hadn't moved, but as if it couldn't get bad enough, his head tipped to the side and his mouth dropped open in a horrifying display of an unhinged jaw while the black liquid continued to fall from his eyes and now his mouth, pooling more and more onto the floor around his feet. The vessel was twitching as if something was trapped inside it and Crowley wished, wished to _God_ he could help the amazing, perfect soul in there but there was nothing he could do to stop it and he had never felt so bad for anyone in his six millennia of living and why _Aziraphale_ , of everyone God could have let this happen to, it had to happen to his– 

" _Angel..._ " 

Crowley didn't have the words for this. No one in the right mind would. He _knew_ what was happening, he himself had been through this, and yet he could only stand there as – Satan forbid _anyone_ hear this – quite literally, the light of his life died out like this. 

The tears wouldn't even come to his eyes; his love-fooled mind was so insistent that the Principality Aziraphale would persist and at the same time he was shattering into a million pieces all over again, reliving his worst memory that was being played out in front of him like a sick television show set on repeat, his punishment for letting this happen to _his_ angel, to his friend, his lover, whatever you wanted to call it. It didn't have to be that difficult. 

He'd let Aziraphale down and that was that. 

And he could only accept it as he forced his eyes to stay on Aziraphale, as much as it hurt him to do so, to watch the downfall of his best friend because that was what he deserved, and when it was all over he would turn himself in like Aziraphale said he would because that's what his angel would have wanted even in the worst of times, _to do the right thing_. 

And maybe it was time to stop running. They'd already gotten to Aziraphale, but who knows how much more torture he'd go through before they set him loose into the world to wreak havoc on everything. If he turned himself in, maybe, just _maybe_ , Aziraphale would stand a chance to go back to who he once was or at least not be hurt as much as Crowley when he'd fallen. 

Crowley smiled bitterly. Aziraphale was probably going to be the strongest demon in Hell, if he was honest with himself. As foolish as he could sometimes be he was undoubtedly headstrong and powerful as an angel, and with so much more additional training the angels went through after the Great War they'd only become tougher then the angels who'd rebelled before the Beginning. He'd probably ruin half of the earth if he wanted to. 

At that moment Crowley decided. He'd rather watch the world burn than let his angel be hurt anymore, damn the consequences. 

And so he took a heavy step forward.

And another. 

And he kept going, moving through the thick black substance that came up to his calves by that point. He felt wetness on his cheeks. The six steps it took to reach Aziraphale felt like twenty while laden with sandbags upon his shoulders, and every part of him wanted to sag, to fall into the liquid that surrounded them and never surface again. The urge was strong. The Temptation. Falling prey to it would be so easy, so simple; mindless. 

But he faced Aziraphale's shaking form, watching the stream of black tears beginning to slow, and he did the only thing he could think of.

He wrapped his arms around Aziraphale's stone-cold chest, pulling himself into the blackness but not yet surrendering to it and he clung. He clung to what remained of Aziraphale, a mere vessel, but _Aziraphale's_ vessel nonetheless, finally allowing himself to cry freely into nothingness, into what Aziraphale would eventually become and into what he felt. He didn't want this for Aziraphale. 

Then he felt a single drop on his shoulder. It was different from the steady stream of _black_ that had continued to cascade down his chest all the while. It felt... Individual. It felt real. 

He heard the barest _thwip_ of something dropping into the pool of liquid beneath them and he looked down to see a hint of something shiny before it sank into the darkness, and his heart skipped a beat. 

He looked up at Aziraphale. The black tears had stopped, and his head was upright again, but once again something shiny formed at the corner of one of the thirteen eyes then dropped into the pool before disappearing. 

Was that...

Crowley quickly held out a hand beneath Aziraphale's face to catch the new set of tears that began to fall and he didn't need to examine them to know that they were small diamonds, the angel's real tears. 

Crowley's hand trembled as he shoved the gems into his pocket and stared at Aziraphale once more, whose mouth was opening and closing but with no sound coming out. It seemed he was mouthing actual words, and Crowley cursed his minimal lip reading skills as he focused intently on figuring out what Aziraphale was saying. 

"Get... Get? Me. Out. "Get me out"? Oh my God, Aziraphale, I wish I _could_.. But keep doing whatever you're doing! I'm here with you, just keep on doing whatever it was that you were doing to stop the black tears. Angels can't normally do that? It's almost like you're resisting it to the point that you're reversing it." Crowley said, clasping Aziraphale's cold hands in his. 

"I. Love. Yo– Aziraphale, _no_ , not now... I beg of you, please don't do this now. We can do this later or whatever, just _focus_." Crowley felt the beginnings of a panic attack coming on, his breathing becoming increasingly laboured and his chest getting tighter and tighter but he tried his best to shove all that away to focus on Aziraphale and Aziraphale _only_. This was definitely unknown territory for the both of them, so they couldn't afford to not be too cautious about this. 

The crystal tears continued to fall, so much so that Crowley could start to feel them piling up at the tops of his feet and sliding off, and his heart ached, longed for them to finally stop so he could properly take his angel, demon, whatever the _fuck_ Aziraphale was anymore. He just wanted to hold Aziraphale like he'd always dreamed of doing, and anyone who said otherwise could fuck off (back) to hell. 

" _Just keep going. I believe in you, Angel._ "

**Author's Note:**

> beep boop no i will not continue this or i will ~spiral~


End file.
